Water Conservation: Keep It Cool

Due to this weekend's flooding, Nashville is currently undergoing a shortage of drinking water. Two of the city's water treatment plants were compromised because of their proximity to the now-mighty Cumberland River. The call is out to conserve. Adapted from a very informative list on CoolPeopleCare.com, here are some quick and fairly painless ways to cut your consumption, possibly in half:

1. Don't wash your car. Splattered grass and dirt are, reportedly, "flood chic." Think of your car as one of those ridiculous t-shirts at Urban Outfitters. Get out there and make something of yourself.

2. Cut off your sprinkler system at home and at work. Again, culture has been trending toward Middle Asia for the past couple of years; a little brown on your ground will only enhance your street cred.

3. Don't shower unless absolutely necessary. This, a decidedly French affectation, is not particularly cool nor pleasant but at least your house didn't float away down the river.

4. Don't wash your clothes unless you're out of underwear. Or, if you are of the "freeballing" persuasion, simply wait until the crotch of all of your pants take on the texture of a well-used dish sponge.

5. Let the dirty dishes stack up. Nashville's restaurant industry could always use a good kick in the pants. As always, be wary of spending more than $13.00 for an entree anywhere except Margot, Marche or 1808 Grille. This town runs on cheap local indigenous and immigrant fare; get into it, and give that money you would have spent at J. Alexander's to these people.

6. Use and reuse the same drinking glass all day. Enjoy the unexpected blending of flavors, the aroma of surprise, the texture of pure "otherness."

7. If you must shower, get in and out in four minutes. Set a timer. Be diligent. Yes, you might be thinking, "I'm, like, French now; what do I know about managing time?" But we know you can do it.

8. Don't shave. Armpits, legs, face, back, crotch or knuckles. Pretend you're running amok in a Hustler shoot from 1977.

9. Don't let the water run in the sink. Think when you turn the faucet on. See how little water you can allow to go down the drain. It's a little game, like Parcheesi.

10. Don't use a hose to clean off debris and dirt from your sidewalk. Let it dry and use a broom. Again, tres chic. If you missed the brooms on the runway at the Dolce Gabbana show in Milan recently... well, seriously, what were you thinking?

11. In regards to toilet etiquette, let's quote the Eminient Ed Koch: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." Let's take a moment to reflect: Actually, if it's brown, you just ate it four to ten hours ago. Don't hate it so much. But, you know, go ahead and flush it.