16 Days To Dudes: "Hold On"

After watching the Twin Towers collapse from my rooftop on 13th St., I made a beeline to the Gristedes and bought ten gallons of spring water. (“We’re going to nuke somebody for this shit,” my friend Will had said on the phone after the second plane hit.) I deposited the water in my kitchen and pondered my options. The subways out of Manhattan were still closed. I did not have access to a boat and the prospect of being herded along with the masses on the bridges seemed terrifying. As the sonic trails of F-14’s ricocheted off the surrounding buildings, I found myself getting nervous. I did what I normally did in these situations and headed down to the saloon on the 1st floor of the adjacent building.

Bar 13 was hopping for a Tuesday at 11 AM. The pure white light cascading in through the large windows bounced off the ancient white tile and into the wide eyes of the patrons, prompting at least half of them to don sunglasses. I ordered a beer by pointing at the tap. The bartender passed it to me and we both turned back to the television without saying a word.

Three beers later they opened the subways again. I hurried back up to my apartment and packed a bag. I walked down to the 1st Ave. F stop, passing the ghostly white ash-covered figures streaming uptown, hearing snippets of their stories and avoiding their panicked eyes. Underground, the subway platform was packed. I managed to squeeze onto the third train that came through. The only free space in the train car was a small area where two kids played with trucks on the floor. Strangers stood around watching them, dazed.

Brooklyn looked remarkably normal. As always, Ethan tossed his key down from the second story. It stung my palm when it hit. After I dropped my suitcase in his living room we climbed up to his roof watched the river of paper and smoke blowing over the East River, a death current slicing through the perfectly blue sky.

I had been working on “Hold On” for about six months before September 11th. I felt like it was probably good and had been scared to finish it in case it actually was. Like many things, I stopped putting it off that day.