1 Day To Dudes: "Dudes"

About a year ago I started a weekly gathering called Dudes Coffee. I figured that my friends and I had attained the appropriate age to justify a weekly gathering dedicated to discussion, some catch-up and a little bit of grumbling. I set a time and place, wrote up an email and sent it out to all of my male friends.

The word on the street is that men, for the first time in a long time, are having it hard. Construction, manufacturing and high finance, the worst hit industries of the Recession, are decidedly male-dominated. These jobs probably won’t ever return in their pre-Recession numbers. This news comes along with the revelation that this year, for the first time ever, women hold the majority of American jobs. To add insult to injury, America is laughing about the whole situation: Just turn on your television and start counting the commercials featuring some sharp-as-a-tack wife besting a clueless, overweight husband in a decision regarding which product to buy next for the family.

Maybe we had it coming. No one could argue that men, in spite of some pretty brilliant moments, haven’t made a lot of pretty dumb-ass moves in the past 100 years. Some serious gender equality was inevitable and should be welcomed. But men seem to be having a difficult time adjusting to their new status. Guys are great at popping beers and celebrating when things are going great; they’re even capable of some back slaps and words of encouragement when things go to hell. But, finding themselves stuck behind the proverbial eight ball, men seem to be faltering.

A lot of guys just don’t have enough back-up. Men are not nearly as talented at building the networks of friends that women seem to accumulate as easily as breathing. Women generally have little problem expressing their emotions; it bonds them on a level that most men never experience.

Now seems like a good time for men to drop the macho façades and start embracing reality. It is time for us to lose the egos and make an honest evaluation of our lives for each other. Our wives and girlfriends will only understand so much, and mama is not coming over to make it all better anytime soon. It takes a brave fellow to admit that he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing, but there is a lot of freedom in that admission. It’s a starting point.

Dudes Coffee has evolved into a small but battle-hardened group of guys ranging in age from 31 to 60. We have different jobs, different marital statuses and different sexual preferences. With some practice, we have reached a point of not being as concerned with the group opinion of our lives as much as the fact that there is a group of fellows who care enough to have an opinion at all. The gathering has had a profound effect on my life. As my buddy Marty Ryan once said, “You have guys in your life that are, like, friends. Then there are guys who are dudes.”
.