I had a brief flirtation with competitive running a few years ago. When the weather got cold I invested in a pair of spandex tights. Save for a few chance encounters with leotards, I had never experienced the power of tights before. Perhaps it was the compression of leg hair or something more Freudian... but I liked them. They made me feel lighter, more aerodynamic. They made me feel fast.
One day on a hike through the woods my wife spotted a few chipmunks cavorting across the footpath and remarked upon their cuteness and frenetic agility.
"If you look closely, you'll notice that they're wearing tights," said I.
"No, they're not," she replied.
"Yes, they are," I said. "Look very very closely."
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