Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Perfect Toenail

The power washing of the deck was a massive success, thanks for your supportive cards and emails.

During the process, I had a moment of clarity regarding FORM. The physical movements required for operating a power washer are not unlike those used in weed eating (or, as you dedicated readers might recall, the involuntary manslaughter of poisonous reptiles). Whilst working on his farm, I had recently observed that my father-in-law, Bob, prefers to move the head of the weed eater back and forth in small, 2-3 foot arcs. Initially, his method seemed to me to lack ambition, to cover less ground more  than my wider arcs.

But one day after returning home, while rubbing myself in the shower with a heavily-soaped loofah sponge, I saw that the laws of science negated this assumption entirely. Furthermore, I realized that, by keeping the range of his motions smaller and more controlled, Bob was maximizing his physical stamina, which really means something when assaulting buggy, snake-infested areas with a 25 lb. piece of machinery in the 8000 degree Tennessee Summer. Whereas I was wearing myself out with my larger, less controlled movements which, as previously stated, weren't really accomplishing a goddamn bit more than his.

So I kept it tight and controlled with the power washer wand and found myself hale and hearty two hours later, the proud owner of a mold-free deck. In fact, I had so much energy left over my wife had to pry me off the lawn mower to make my afternoon pedicure appointment. They serve mint pinafores at the salon.

But I digress. FORM: I have also been in the process of conditioning my 39 year-old body to play competitive soccer again. Approaching my training with the goal of getting form right first has made all of the difference. Things as basic as running or touching a ball with your foot can be done in ways that maximize your potential for the next movement. Visualization is important, too; creating a mental snapshot of what you want to happen in the split second before you attempt it sends nano-information from your brain into the appropriate muscles and appendages.

Which leads me to the conclusion that things we want to happen might just want to happen themselves. Our only responsibility is to provide a context in which they can occur. To get our bodies and mind into the the right positions to allow them to manifest: FORM.

And yes, I realize that this sounds like magical thinking, The Secret, blah blah... but before you judge me, dismiss me as another Oprahian dreamuh, ask yourself one simple question: Which one of us has a slip-proof deck, mightily-improved ball skills and immaculate toenails? That's right, Junior. Suck it.

And here's a new song that has nothing to do with any of that:

I GOT YOU



1 comment:

lance said...

from one 'Oprahian dreamuh' to another, well done.. great song, too